Unsure footing....

First, foremost and always I need to thank those of you who sent me amazing notes and comments yesterday. I so appreciate the support, understanding and great suggestions more than you can ever understand. I wish I could say that yesterday ended up where it should have, but I can't. Food was a major problem all day, and this morning I am still struggling.

The big question on my mind, and in many of the comments/notes I received is about my Israel trip. I am deeply divided what to do at this point. The idea of 12 days in a hotel with no fridge, no blender and no real access to a grocery store is not a test I am sure I am ready to conquer yet.

I fear going, getting there and being miserable and wasting a lot of money on a trip I don't enjoy. But at the same time I so love Israel and my trips there and have looked forward to this for so long and only have one 40th birthday, which was the point of the trip. I feel like either direction I will end up regretting. I am currently leaning towards postponing the trip til the fall when I am in a better place, but still have a couple people I want to talk to before I make that decision.

I have to admit, this week is one of the first times I have really started wondering if doing all this with my weight is really worth it. Don't get me wrong I love how I feel physically and I know in that direction it is definitely the right thing. But at the same time, I feel like it is impacting my life in ways I am not sure are good. It has made travel which I so loved before so hard and complicated that I dread it. That is a pretty high cost when my career is based on travel. This was one of my great fears coming into this, could it realistically work with my travel. In the last 3 months I have been home much more than I normally would be, and wonder now if in doing that I was kidding myself that I could succeed at this because it wasn't my normal environment.

Anyway, off to another day of work. Tonight is another set of flights and off to the next city.