Saturday, March 27, 2010

Anyone got a spare crystal ball....

For as amazing as this trip is, I feel like I would be less than honest if I didn't comment on where my mind is when it comes to food, my weight and all of that.

First I have to say my friends have gone out of their way to make sure my every need was considered with food, they have made it so easy for me (thanks April and Donna). Not only are they amazing cooks, but the food has all fit exactly in line with what I should be eating. And while Thursday I didn't as much as I should have, Friday went much better. It was complicated meals to journal, so I am not exactly sure where I hit on calories for the day, but I know what I ate was healthy and I think I was on target. And I am even learning some new tricks and tips along the way, tonight I learned about higher protein pasta.

Related to exercise, I haven't formally worked out in two days now, Thursday was too chaotic with work and travel and Friday was my regular day off, but we are planning to swim in the morning and I am really looking forward to it. I feel like I am slacking off even though I did quite a bit of walking Thursday in transit.

My sleep has been rather limited, time is too short to sleep it away, I can do that when I get home. I know that is the wrong approach, but its where I am at. I would rather sit and laugh and share stories with my dear friends than sleep.

With all that said, I know I shouldn't be stressed in the least, but I am. Once I finally made it to bed, I was laying there tossing and turning and feeling this terrible anxiety building in the back of my mind. And yes, I know without a doubt it is all in my head. But the anxiety is coming from not being able to get on a scale I trust and know if I am really doing ok or not.

That sounds so ridiculous to say, but it's where I am at. Even though I have no logical reason to feel I have gained weight, I desperately want that check point to let me know that I am ok, that this is going as well as I think it is. I want to know that I am not going to go home in a couple days and be a step backwards. I just dont trust my judgments of how I feel to tell me if I am on course, I have been wrong too many times.

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