Friday, March 12, 2010

Giving up and gratitude.....

"In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being."  Thank you to my chevarim who help rekindle my inner spirit!

It's not too often I am asked a question and am rendered speechless, but there has been one question over and over through the last 8 months that I have never been able to answer. It is the same question, but it comes in two variations, either "Why haven't you given up yet?" or "How come this time you are able to stick with it". Tonight I was asked the first version. And as usual I gave some lame answer about being ready this time, but as I was swimming laps I looked for a better answer. It bothered me that I didn't know the truth.

It wasn't until I ran into two friends and classmates in the locker room afterwards that I realized my answer. I couldn't answer why I don't give up, because I do give up, a hundred times a day. Whether it is 5 minutes into an hour long treadmill session, or 7 reps into a 15 rep set of chest presses, or late at night when I am home in front of the tv, I give up many times a day. I doubt myself, my decisions and my ability to see this through. I feel overwhelmed, over my head and ready to retreat more times than I can count.

But the difference this time around is that I, and more importantly the people I have surrounded myself with, do not let me stay with giving up. Most of the time I can get myself back on track, but when that doesn't happen I am incredibly blessed with the people around me who, intentionally or just by being around me get me going again.

Sometimes it is as simple as an instant message with a friend, sometimes it is my trainer who always makes me do those two more reps when I believe I am past my breaking point (and I am swearing at him for making me do it *grin*), sometimes it is a really great comment from someone reading this blog. But for as many times as I give us, what is different this time around is that, I have just as many people there to prop me back up again!

Gui asked me yesterday why I don't use one of the other LTF clubs for my cardio work (we were talking about how much I love the pools there) and again, I couldn't answer. But I know now it is the same answer. My support, my home, is in the Eagan club. I know that if I falter there is going to be one or many someones around who is going to get me going again. That just by being around the people who are on this journey with me that even if we aren't interacting it keeps me going when I am ready to quit too soon or go too easy.

When I started this blog a little over two weeks ago, I really didn't know where it would go. I couldn't understand why anyone would want to read it and figured after a few days I would get bored, and more importantly those of you reading would. I was wrong on both accounts.

Writing these daily posts has turned into something I really love. It is one of the things that keeps me from quitting. It adds another layer to my accountability and helps in ways none of you could know. In addition, I have been touched over and over again by the nice messages and facebook comments I receive from those of you reading. I want you to know they are not taken for granted and mean so much to me. 

Thank you for reading, thank you for caring and thank you all for being there when I need that extra push!

The reason it is working this time, is because we are all doing it together.


  1. And you get upset when we tell you we know you can when you are afraid, or tired, or worried....we all have our moments....and our friends help us over them or sometimes to figure a way around them :)

  2. Your eloquence continues. Thanks for the update and keep em coming. As they said in Space Quest iirc Never Give Up Never Surrender.

  3. Amen, sister! I have had many of the same thoughts... for the past 6 years I have tried to lose weight, and succeeded for short periods, but this time does feel different. It helps to have a community, many companions on the road, a smile in the locker room, a friendly face in the pool. Keep blogging, it's all good, even when you struggle.