Friday, April 2, 2010

There's no place like home....

What an interesting week...after a couple weeks of relative calm and stability this was definitely a roller coaster week. Luckily it got cut short and I got to come home early by 2 days. What a difference waking up in my own bed surrounded by the furbies, eating in my own kitchen and being around friends makes. I have cooked food galore for the next few days, I got trainer time in, went for a walk with a friend and just feel so much better.

Being this attached to being home is very odd to me. I have never felt like this in my life. When I bought my first house I never even put furniture in most of the rooms because I cared so little about being there, every apartment I had before that was just a place. And even this house for the first year and a half, I loved it, but it was just a place. I realized this week, that this is truly home and my place of great security and comfort.

A good friend asked me when I was thinking of moving out here, what I was running from my whole life. I still don't know the answer exactly, but I do think I have finally stopped running. I feel like I have roots for the first time in 40 years. Coming home matters to me now where before it was just a place.

With that said, I am still looking forward greatly to my trip to Israel. That is the place my truest roots grow. I can't wait to see dear friends, to reconnect to my heart and to have some down time staring at the beautiful mediterranean (my hotel is right on the beach).

I can't say the trip doesn't scare me in light of what has gone on this week, but I definitely feel more in control now than I did a few days ago. Again my dear friend Laura is my lifeline on that comfort I think. She is taking pictures of the workout facility at the hotel so the trainer and I can figure out my exercise, she is figuring out where my basic food needs (almond milk particularly) can be found, she is bringing me a blender and checking if we can figure out a fridge. But more importantly, I think just knowing that if I get over my head she is a scream away is what is helping the most.

My friendship with Laura is a great irony, born out of visiting bombs falling from the sky a year ago, but has turned into a really beautiful part of my life. How many other people in the world will tell you, call me at 2am across the world if you need me, and then recount their travel stress in Bosnia to make you feel better!!!! That story certainly put needing a blender in Israel into perspective.

If nothing else came out of this week, I realized how amazing blessed I am with the people around me. I have spent a lot of my life feeling very alone and on my own, but as Momma Koch pointed out a week ago, most of that has probably been me keeping people out instead of there being no one who wanted in.  Thank you all for loving me, even when I make it hard to do!!!!!

1 comment:

  1. I think the dynamic of your changes and those 3 lil furbies have helped bring this about...Happy happy for ya girl! Always nice to be home sweet home...