Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Last morning in last ghost to vanquish.....

Yesterday I couldn't wait to go home, and was even checking for earlier flights, today I don't want to leave. Yesterday morning set aside, this has been an amazing, awesome, incredible trip and I am so glad I came. It was the first vacation of my adult life I can remember totally setting aside work and things at home and just disengaging. I peripherally knew they was crap going on at work, but I managed to stay out of it and let it handle itself. I consider that as much an accomplishment for me as anything else I have done on this trip. It is a sign that I am moving closer to that life balance I am working so hard on. That work is becoming work and not what defines or drives me.

Yesterday morning is still lingering with me a little today. I'd like to pretend it isn't on my mind, because it shouldn't be, I should have let it go, but how freaked I got really bugs me, so I am still trying to make sense of it so it doesn't happen again. It makes me mad at myself that I considered reverting to destructuve eating disorder behaviors I haven't even considered in 15 years!!!! I need to figure out how to talk to Gui about that one when I get home, and know it wont be an easy conversation, and probably shouldn't be. But the bottom line is they were only thoughts, and not things I carried through on, and that is what matters. I reached out to my trainer and luckily he was available and said enough for me to regroup and right myself, even if I didn't like his answers at first...thanks TB!!!! *smile*

Today is all about enjoying my last few hours here. I am heading to the old city of Jaffa (Yafo) to track down what is claimed to be the best hummus in the State of Israel, I let you know!!!!

Going back to Jaffa will be an interesting book end on a journey I started here on my first trip in 2002. When I came here for the first time I was with 150 young Jewish leaders, after we left the airport our first stop was Jaffa. We said the shehecheyanu at a park over looking Tel Aviv. I remember being miserable and terrified because of all the steps, the hills and the walking, in that moment I totally regretted coming to Israel because I knew my body was going to limit me.

This morning I am going back, and I am seeing Jaffa the way it should be seen and am looking forward to it!!! "Piece of cake"

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