Life is like a box of chocolates.....

I wish I had stayed up long enough last night to enter a post before I went to bed. I wish I had captured what an amazing day yesterday was! But I let sleep win (finally on a more normal sleep pattern and adapting to the change in time zones). So let me try to capture yesterday, even though I am in a very different place now.

It was a magical day. I started the day with a shopping trip to the Nachalat Benyamin Pedestrian Mall. Every Tuesday and Friday this ordinary street near the Shuk is converted into a huge Arts and Crafts fair. All of the artisans display and sell their handmade wares. Anyone who has been to my home knows I am all about having unique art and so I was really excited for the chance to visit the mall. It was awesome, I brought home great gifts for friends as well as a couple pieces of jewelry for myself.

When I got back I got a call from Laura inviting me to spend Shabbat with herself, her husband Avi Vaknin and their friend Robbie. Avi is an up and coming Israeli musician with a killer voice and Robbie is his guitarist. (Shameless plug for Avi http://www.avivaknin.co.il/)

Having never spent Shabbat in anyone's home here in Israel I was extremely excited and grateful to be included. Normally I have to admit, this type of invite would have sent me into a panic over what to wear, about being out of place and all my other paranoias, but things this week had been so amazing and being around Laura is so natural I never went through that stage.

In between shopping and dinner (Shabbat doesn't start til sundown) I worked on my Vitamin D deficiency (hung out at the pool). First a tip to anyone with a partially healed new tattoo....think about what it is going to feel like jumping into the salt water pool BEFORE you do it, not afterwards *smile*. Once I got past that little issue, the swim was great, it was awesome to lay in the warm sun and I thoroughly enjoyed the afternoon. I got to break in my new bathing suit also *smile*.

Dinner was great. Moroccan food, lots of healthy salads and Laura made the pumpkin "muffins" I mentioned on here a few days ago. After dinner I got to see some additional footage Laura has for her upcoming movie, Sderot Rock in the Red Zone ( www.sderotmovie.com ), a project very dear to my heart. It was personal footage and I have to admit it got me watching it with her. As much as I get the situation and it tugs at my heart, it is somehow different when you are sitting watching people the impact on people you love and care about. I was struck by the difference in Avi before and after Laura was part of his life and how the level of responsibility seemed to impact him. It made me think about the Sderot situation from a point of view I hadn't before. Before I have always thought of it from an individual perspective, each person's fear for themselves, but thinking about it from the point of view of watching those you care about being at risk was a whole new thought for me.

Sadly with reports yesterday of new airstrikes in the situation, it doesn't seem like the current quiet in Sderot will last much longer!

It was a wonderful night that ended near midnight.

I cant exactly point to where after that things changed, but I know last night when I got back to my hotel and was reading emails and thinking about a couple things at home, I felt stress creeping in. I thought going to bed would help, I didn't want to lose the magical feeling this week has had, but it didn't.

Around 2am I found myself drawn to a box of chocolates that the hotel has provided as a gift (they have treated me really well this week as a high level frequent Hilton member, and the fact that it is a birthday trip - which the diamond desk seems to have put in my reservation, thanks Hilton). Before I knew it I had eaten the whole box (9 pieces of filled chocolate).

This morning I am still feeling stressed, frustrated with myself and on top of it the chocolate made me feel like crap, really shakey and anxious. I guess my body is no longer used to that kind of sugar rush!

I am not beating myself up about the chocolate, it happened. But I have to admit I am struggling more with my normal "compensation" reaction. Not wanting to eat because I know I had all those calories and I feel like I need to make up for them. I logically know this is wrong. But if I pretending I wasn't in that spot I would be lying.

My plan for the day is to go find some protein, in hopes it will combat the shakieness and then a quiet day by the pool and/or the sea. I need to regroup myself and recenter and come to some conclusion on the stress that was the trigger for this so that I can get back to enjoying my vacation. Tomorrow is a day with friends and I don't want to still be in this place.