Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Leaving just flat out sucks!!!!!!

My luggage is packed, the goodbyes have been said, the tears have been shed. There's not much more left to do than head for the airport. I so don't want to go. My heart is here and I am leaving it behind. I have a wonderful life at home, please don't get me wrong. But Israel is a magical place for me, especially after this trip. I feel like I have walked through a dream for a week. Around me dear friends, the comforting sounds of hebrew and a freedom I have never felt before. I don't want it to end.

It sounds so silly to say this, but I fear going home will be like waking up. I feel like for a week I have been living in someone else's mind and body. I have never felt so stress free before, so happy, so at ease in my own skin. I don't want to lose that. I love the confidence I felt here, The safety of knowing my body was capable of any challenge I put to it. It was the first time in decades I didn't feel like the world was looking at me and laughing. I didn't feel I was wearing a huge sign that said "Fat Disabled Girl....laugh at will". I worry if I can find those feelings back home where everyone is aware of those sides of me.

To Laura, Avi, Irwin and Iris....thank you. Thank you for an amazing trip, for your friendship and love. For making me feel like I was coming home not a visitor here. Leaving you behind is incredibly hard and not without many tears. I promise I will be back, soon and some day for good!

To those men and women, here in Israel and around the world, who fight to keep Israel safe and the amazing place it is. Thank you! So many people write this country off as a war torn waste because of what they see on the news. They have no clue  how wrong they are, what they are missing out on and the absolute beauty of the people and the land here.

To my beloved Israel, thank you. For being the land of dreams, the land of people who believe in a world bigger than themselves, where being who you are is more important than what people think. L'hitraot until I return!


  1. Maybe because I "knew your mind" before I ever met you, you to me were never wearing a sign that said "Fat Disabled Girl....laugh at will"
    You are and will always be to me "Plan" - and that encompasses all the confidence that you felt in yourself in Israel. (and it always with you, it is not something external, but instead internal and tappable.)

  2. Auntie Plan! MOL!!!