Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Help Wanted: Responsible Adult.....

This is one of those posts I feel like needs a disclaimer. I KNOW everything is going to be great, that I am doing this for the right reasons and all that other stuff. I just need to vent/download because I am stressing out!!!!! So please just take what I say as that, it is just a rant to get it off my chest, I am really ok though.......

There are very, VERY, VERY few times I wish I was not single. I love my life, I love the freedom being single gives me, I also know that marriage is a major committment to selflessness (if done right) that I probably wouldn't be very good at. Single has been a choice for me as much as anything.

But I have to say there is one time in my life that everytime I get here I really do envy my married friends. Being sick, medical care and dealing with the medical system alone is so much harder and very frustrating and to be honest, quite lonely!!!!!

I found myself sitting at Mayo yesterday in tears at one point just from being overwhelmed. I looked around me and saw all these other people with someone with them and it hit me again, this is the one time I wish I was married. It would be so nice just to have someone else who could share some of the burden of figuring out logistics, driving, dealing with stupid details like finding food between appts so I could have just concentrated on being the patient. I didnt want to have to be the logical problem solver in that moment, I wanted someone else to make it all right. I remember these feelings from when I dealt with all this back in the 90's too. There are certain things people shouldn't have to do alone, this is one of them!

It really hit me when we got to the MRI (the first of two this week) and I couldn't have any kind of sedation because I was there alone and you can't drive afterwards. I am going to face a similar situation tomorrow and then trying to drive after the EMG on Friday.

I know I have friends around me that would help out if I asked (some have even offered) but my past experience has told me that comes with more strings and after effects than it is usually worth. It means asking someone else to take time out of their life (in this case time off work) be away from their lives and somehow always comes back to bite me later. For those that are married, as my friend put it yesterday, you at least have someone who is "legally obligated to help out even if they don't like it".

Not looking forward to more days of this this week!!!!!

1 comment:

  1. Uggh Pam! Sorry to hear, hope all is well,
    On the other side~ coming from a married gal (lol) not all it is cracked up to be! Thankfully I have a vERY sympathic and caring man, BUT i know MANY that the hubby is anything but that and a baby to say the least. Like it would be a burden, so consider yourself ok I guess.