Friday, August 13, 2010

Tonight at Twins and 40K of my closest friends...

"I think I’ll take a moment, celebrate my age
The ending of an era and the turning of a page
Now it’s time to focus in on where I go from here
Lord have mercy on my next thirty years

Hey my next thirty years I’m gonna have some fun
Try to forget about all the crazy things I’ve done
Maybe now I’ve conquered all my adolescent fears
And I’ll do it better in my next thirty years" Tim McGraw

I really wanted to blog about how I am feeling today leading up to this, but to be honest, I am overwhelmed and not sure how much sense any of this is going to make that point. So I'll capture what I can.

Today is the end of a chapter, a celebration of the last 8 months, and the start of the next chapter in this journey. When I was selected two weeks ago I wasn't ready to turn that chapter. I am now. I am excited and ready. I lost 100 lbs in the last chapter. I have about 90 more to lose this chapter and I will get there. But before I turn that page today/tonight is about celebrating. So how am I feeling right now....

Nervous! I want to puke (I will not puke on target field, I will not puke on target field). I am not sure why I am so nervous. I present in front of thousands of people all the time. But this is a lot more intimate than talking about business analysis or databases. I am showing 40,000 people *gulp* before pictures I wouldn't show myself a few months ago, wow.

Sad! There is part of me that is really sad. I haven't said much about this in the blog, but for reasons I don't understand or even know Gui has decided not to attend tonight. While I respect that is his choice, it does leave a hole in the evening that someone who was so significant to tonight chose not to come. But I am chosing to make this the most minor of my feelings, because this is such an amazing night otherwise! You will be missed Gui.

Grateful! When I found out Gui wasn't going to be able to attend, I will admit I was devastated. But as life usually does, people are put in the right place to make things all right. Todd, the trainer at Lakeville I had worked with, heard about the situation and didn't ask to go, but informed me he was coming with me. That I wouldn't be there without one of my trainers. This touched my heart so deeply. That someone who had worked with me once at that point cared enough to use his night off to make sure this night got the honor it needed. Now Todd will not only be attending, but will be standing on the field with me. I am so lucky to have people like him around me.

Loved! Not only will Todd be there with me tonight, but so will 24 other members of the Life Time Eagan family. I had known the club manager (Tony) and a couple of the Member Advisors (my dear Lance and the mgr Sam) were attending. But yesterday I was BLOWN away when I learned that they had gotten 20 more tickets and were bringing other team members who had asked to be there. Again and again I learn how many people at the club have been watching and rooting for me that I didn't know were even aware I existed. In reading that email all the pain of one person's absense went away. It didn't matter anymore.

In addition to the LTF friends I will have there, I will have other dear dear friends who are giving up their Fri night to be there. Thank you guys for always loving and supporting me. And a special thanks to my boss who is bringing his entire family. You have never judged me or limited me no matter what I weighed and that means so much to me.

Proud! Ok so all the other emotions have been about other people. Now to the one about me. I am still not sure I totally get that I have lost 100 pounds. It seems surreal. But logically I know I have, and to stand there tonight and to say it to the whole world is more amazing than I can admit. I am so proud of what I have done, what I have become and how my body is now. I keep thinking back to that trip to Israel in February 2009 and having to be helped down 3 steps at a kibbutz, today I can easily walk a 5K without thought. I can't believe how far I have come! I am so proud of myself for having taken this on and having done what so few will ever do.

Tonight is going to be an amazing night and I am so honored I get this chance.

Thank you to those who will be there, and those who can't for having walked with me the last 8 months, who have supported me, cheered me on and just loved me. I can't put into words how much you mean to me.


PS. Could you pray it doesn't rain and this all get cancelled tonight!!!


  1. have a wonderful boss!

    And I will pray...pray that you don't throw up, and pray that it doesn't rain. =]

    Truly wish I could be there tonight, but I will be there in spirit, Pam. I can't tell you how incredibly proud of you I am!!!


  2. Good news. I'm looking out the window at work, and w/in the last 10 minutes the rain has stopped and the sun is trying to come out. Sue