Monday, August 23, 2010

The next chapter like you were dying.......

"Like tomorrow was the end
And ya got eternity to think about what to do with it
What should you do with it
What can I do with it
What would I do with it

I went rocky mountain climbing
I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu
And I loved deeper
And I spoke sweeter
And I watched an eagle as it was flyin'
And he said some day I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dyin'" Tim McGraw

I heard this song in the car today and realized that it said exactly what I need to do...It's time to move more looking back, no more living in fear of what might happen, just all out living. I know it, I want it, but I have to admit I am still struggling with it. I just need to make it happen. No more looking back!

Everything I have accomplished to here is amazing, but it's the past. I have lost 100 lbs that is great, but it is yesterday's news. I have changed my body and my world, also history! I will never forget where I came from but I can't dwell on it any longer.

Today I started the next part of my journey. The first part of my metamorphosis was about becoming functional, losing enough weight to be able to live a quality life and having my body be strong enough to enjoy that life. I did that along with "Torture Boy's" (Gui's) help. And while it would be easy to stop there, something I have strongly considered in the last few weeks, I can't. I know could live a good life at my current weight and ability, but there is more that I this next chapter is about refinement and getting to who and where I want to be physically and mentally and working with Nick (who still needs a good nickname btw) to get there.

As part of this new journey Nick weighed and measured me today. My weight today was 239. This is my new starting point, no 338, no 311. Everything from here forward is measured off 239. For those keeping track that is up a few pounds from where I was a month ago, I am not proud of that fact, I fought with my eating issues and am paying the price now. But again that is history. I am currently 239 on the trainer's scale and that is what we are working from.

My goal from here....I would like to be below 200 lbs by the end of the year. My ultimate goal is around 150, but truth it is less about the number. I want to be able to walk into any store in the world and comfortably, easily buy a medium (top and pants). I never want to have to worry about finding a store with bigger sizes ever again in my life.

Beyond the long term physical goals remain the same as they have been....

1 - Get certified in scuba diving and go scuba diving
2 - Be able to downhill ski again
3 - Walk in the 3 day (60 mile) breast cancer walk.

My shorter term goals....

1 - Do at least one 5k walk this year (possibly 2)
2 - Conquer rock wall climbing.
3 - Get my food issues under control, not for a week or a month or even a year, but for good.

As for the trainer change. I am starting to really enjoy working with Nick. I feel like we turned a corner last week, and that is a big part of what has me ready to start this new chapter. My workouts are back to feeling effective (I am sore again and feel like I am pushing my body again), I feel like I am losing some of my fear of messing up with everything I say to him and can be more myself (I got accused of being demanding today, that must mean I am on my way back *grin*) and I am starting to look forward to the sessions again. I know I still have a ways to go in totally being back to where I was on this front, and that total comfort may not happen until one more variable changes, but I am looking forward to getting there.

The bottom line is this is about me and my future. Not about my past, not about decisions others have made for my life, not about anything but moving ahead. Today is the first day of the rest of my life and it is time to seize the day!


  1. Pam, give me some warning when you are doing a 5k walk and I will try to walk it with you. - Thom

  2. also this:

    the whole thing is great, but the part I was thinking about starts at 9 minutes in.

  3. Huh...I always thought TB stood for Tight Butt...

    I am jogging/walking my first 5K in September. Good luck with your continue to inspire.