Saturday, June 12, 2010

Think I am finally starting to lose some of my brain fat......

I am almost afraid to say this out loud because the minute I do I will have a slip backwards and lose the optimism I am feeling today. But I am going to chance it and say it anyway.

I think my brain is FINALLY starting to catch up with what is going on with my body and really internalize all I have accomplished in the last 7 months! I feel like I am finally starting to see what has changed in my body and all the hard work I have put it, it no longer feels so foreign and fake and I don't feel as much any more like I am conning myself and the world by embracing this.

I am not sure what has change that got me here, but I am noting three things in the last week that lead me to this realization...

1. Shopping is starting to be less of an insane adventure.

Now this is partially because I have been taking people with me who make sure I don't go too far astray. But I am also finding I am feeling less and less of the need to try on 5 sizes first before getting to what I really am. Tonight I bought a bathing suit for an upcoming shore visit and got it on the first one! Yes the one in the picture, and we won't even go into how far out of my comfort zone the pattern is...LOL

It has finally sunk in to me how much smaller my clothes are, and it brought me to tears tonight (happy tears), over the bathing suit and the pants I bought. I have mentioned the black dress pant issue before...when I started all this I was wearing a Plus size 12!!!! Tonight I bought the same exact a SIZE 3...a THREE. That is TEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 10 people...T-E-N...sizes smaller in just over 7 months!!!!! Then to top it off I bought a bathing suit. Now in March I tried on a suit at this same store. At that point a 26 wouldn't even fit right, today, I bought an 18 and it fit easily...that is FIVE....5....FIVE!!!!!!!!!! sizes different in 3 months. It astonishes me!

2. I find myself telling more and more people how much I have lost and believing it when I say it.

While my friends have all known, I have really hesitated to tell people I don't know, such as when I am shopping. More often than not the people I am with share it before I do. But I am finding it easier and easier to say and believe, I have lost nearly 90 lbs.

I actually let myself say to a friend tonight the one thing I have been thinking this week but refused to say out loud...I am closing in on having lost 100 lbs. That threshold finally feels doable to me, not just some crazy unrealistic day dream!

3. I am finally seeing in my body what others have pointed out but I just couldn't see.

Not only the weight loss itself, but the other changes...the muscles, the bones, the other things. I was with a friend earlier this week and she pointed out how fit I looked, and I really didn't get it, but throughout this week I have. I seem to notice more and more that I can feel the definition of muscles when I run my hand over my leg, that when I am laying down I can actually tell where my ribs are, that I can see some shape in my face.

I swear I probably look like a newborn does when they discover their feet, the way I keep staring stupidly at body parts. But for the first time I really feel like I might be "getting it".

Again today I was comfortable changing in the locker room and didn't even consider running to do it in a bathroom stall. It felt like I fit there, and that fact that I have done that twice now at the Lakeville club, something I have yet even do at Eagan, tells me that is more than a fluke.

Oh and I also made a decision this week, I am no longer measuring my weight loss on two numbers...the before the trainer starting point (338) and the with the trainer starting point (311). I am just using the 338 number, and Gui gets credit for all the loss, not just what has been since I started training. No he wasn't there when I lose the first 27, but here is the reality. If I hadn't been working with him, if he hadn't be there to put me back together every time I lose my mind and fall off (no under...) the wagon, i would have long ago put that 27 back on (plus probably more). This is one journey, one set of numbers and that is what I am focusing on!

i really wish I understood what happened this week that finally has this sinking in. But I am doing my best to just enjoy it and not over think it til I talk myself out of it, which would be my normal way of managing this. Instead I am ready to embrace it. I had a great workout today, I had a great shopping trip with one friend, dinner with another, and life just feels like it is where it should be! And not having felt that in a long time, I am happy to just be where I am!!!!!!!


  1. congrats! brain fat takes longer to burn.

    hey, could you post a sample of your workout routine for us to get a sense of what you are doing at this point please.


  2. You ROCK!!! Congrats on FINALLY seeing what we have all seen. You are such an inspiration to so many. I hope you can see that too. Thanks for sharing:)))