Monday, June 14, 2010

The scale made me cry today....

I have always dreaded going to the doctor. I know it is usually going to come with a lecture about my weight. I particularly have always dreaded the scale. That has definitely changed in the last year.

I have a really sweet doctor who from the first time she met me, even before I started losing, has been really understanding about my weight challenges and has always felt that I wasn't eating enough to weigh what I did. A conversation I initiated with her last May about gastric bypass surgery is what started me on this journey. She has been a great supporter through my weight loss and has been willing to do any testing, referrals or provide help I have needed. So I was looking forward to seeing her today, my last appt was in March and at the time I was at 275 lbs.

The reason I was scheduled today is I have been fighting really REALLY bad dizzy spells, especially when standing up or bending over. The last 4 or 5 days the dizziness has been accompanied by nausea and vomiting, so I gave in and called.

It turns out that I am getting too healthy *smile*. The dizziness is from my blood pressure being too low. We had already removed one BP medication in March, but today she reduced the only remaining one by 50%. It was awesome to see my body becoming more and more normal and healthier.

But the best part was the scale results.....I am not sure who was more excited, me or the dr. I weighed in at 249 lbs. That is 89 lbs less than May 09 on her scale. She just kept saying "look at that, just look at that" and pointing to the weight records on her computer. I was having a hard time seeing it because of the tears in my eyes. That is a number I NEVER thought was even possible for me, one I had dreamed of for a while. I don't get why being below 250 is and was such a big deal for me, it is still INCREDIBLY over weight, but that number...250 just feels like a dividing line, between something socially acceptable and something unacceptable. It is the number that you see on all the weight limitations...on furniture, on rides, on everything.

The funny part of crying over this, is that I know when Gui weighs me this week I will be back over 250 (his scale is a few pounds higher than the doctor's) but yet I see just seeing that number, knowing I...WE....have accomplished something I never thought possible for me to reach was overwhelming. I never dreamed when I started this journey I could get to this point, let alone this fast.

Gui's reaction to the number was more....careful (yeah that is the word I will use) as I lost a little faster this past week than is really healthy (we try to stay under 2 lbs a week) but I still have to say TB, despite your hesitation on this, I hope you know how grateful I am to you for helping me get to here, for tolerating the roller coaster that working with me is, for caring in your own harsh ways *smile*, for kicking my butt when I give up, for always making me do "one more" and for believing this could happen long before I did. From day 1 you told me we could get here (and beyond). I didn't believe you, not sure I did until it happened today, but thank you for keeping the faith I didn't have in me!

Eleven more pounds to the 100 mark.....it seems surreal to even say!!!!!!!!

3 comments:

  1. Congrats on the great number!! Sue

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  2. Great job - keep up the awesome work!

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  3. Shalom Pam,
    MAZEL TOV!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Irwin

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