Friday, January 10, 2014

Other side of the clouds...

I have been trying to make sense of my life lately. There is a lot going on all at once... new barn...trying to sell my house and dealing with some health issues.  All but the last item are good, but whether change is good or bad it is still disconcerting. A friend pointed out the other day that I seemed 'stressed, concerned or unhappy' and as I thought about her question, it does sum up my general mood lately, but for no specific reason I can give. There is a lot really great in my life right now, but that happiness always feel hard hard to reach. And that alone frustrates me, because I do recognize what a wonderful life I have. Despite all that life has thrown at me in the last 43 years I have carved out a place for myself in the world that I am really proud of. So why do I feel so detached from it right now?? And more importantly why is it that I can quickly go from mood to mood, blah to ecstatic, happy to sad, content to discontent, over nothing. What is wrong with me?

I had a big realization on all this this morning as I was sitting on a plane waiting to take off. 

On the ground in Minneapolis it was disgusting...cold, rainy, sleety, grey. Just ick. Words that came to mind were miserable, blah, gross.But then we took off. 

Did you ever think about the fact that planes fly into the strong winds, the bad weather to take off? To get that lift they have to go towards the bad not away from it? Something we all try to avoid in life is the very thing that gives flight. 

Thirty seconds after leaving the ground we broke through the thin cloud layer and the sky was blue, the sun was shining. The words that came to mind suddenly changed to beautiful, pretty, awesome. 

Nothing had changed, below those clouds it was still freezing and grey, but a mere few feet away the world was transformed. In that moment I got it, the trick to life, is remembering that the line between the good in life and the bad is very thin. And that the key is finding those people and moments that help us break through the barrier. 

Those things in my life are often a lot smaller than I look for, I spend my time wanting big solutions, the grand plan, the ultimate fix...instead of realizing that I only need to take a couple steps to totally change direction. It is a hug from my horse or time in the saddle, it is a text from a friend reminding me I don't have to handle the world alone (that it is safe to rely on others), it is knowing I have someone who will chase light bulbs for me. I didn't have to go 500 miles to find the sun, and I don't have to solve everything in my life to feel better.

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