Beyond Words....

The wait is measured in weeks,
Then days,
Then hours.

I watch the clock,
is it too soon to go?

Every milestone brings me closer,

35, 14, 61.

I know the steps by heart.

Left at the church,

Through the light,
Past the gas station,

Past the 40 flavors of brats.

150, 160, 165,

A calm comes over me.

I see the sign,

left at 170th,

the world starts to slip away.

Wooden panel,

visitors welcome,
the front pastures come into view.

The routines the same.

Turn off the radio,
Shut out the world,
Into the driveway.

I'm where I belong.

Nothing else matters.

The dance begins,
Lead rope, halter, find my partner.

A nuzzle, a kiss, and its all alright.

The smells, the feelings,

It is better than any drug they can make.

We go through our routine,

Brush, pick, saddle, bridle,

Each step I become more anxious

and more relaxed at the same time.

In between,

Kisses,
Running my hand over strong muscles and through beautiful mane.

Sneaking treats and setting tack,

the world doesn't matter.

My last worry,
My last fight,
My internal battle.
Mounting.

Stupid voices run through my head,
Telling me I shouldn't,
Telling me I'm too fat,
Telling me it's a bad idea,
It's always there.

Somedays I fight through the noise on my own,
other days with help and reassure.

In the saddle and the world is gone.

Tall, proud, in control, relaxed.
In an instant I am transformed.
The strength below me flows into me,
I am strong, I am normal,
I am worthy, I belong.

Somedays we ride in circles.
Trying to find a rhythm.
Trying not to confuse each other,
Trying to learn each others cues.

Other days we escape.

Through the woods,

Through the fields,
The world does not exist,
These are the rides I dream of.

We walk,
We trot,
I am running,
I am free.

Too soon time has flown,
We head for the barn.
I dont want it to end.

Your muscles tense,
We're headed home.
You want to run.
To race to rejoin your world.

My muscles tense,
We're headed home.
I want you to crawl.

To slow rejoining mine.

We end our dance,

And we walk back toward reality.

I feel the tension,

The world is back.

Dismount,

Bridle, halter, saddle,

Brushes,

and another treat.

We say our good byes,

You celebrate
And run for your friends.

I stand and mourn.

Knowing that the wait starts again,

Measured in weeks,
Days,
Hours.