Another LTF Goodbye....Lance....

Just found out another member of the Eagan LTF team is moving on, time for more more mixed feelings. And I have to admit I am not sure what the proper expression of my reaction is, which is why I am blogging about it, trying to figure my head out again.

This time around it's Lance who is leaving. He is being promoted and the position he is moving into is at another club. First and foremost Lance congratulations!!! The members at your new club are very lucky to get you, you are awesome at your job and am really glad LTF realizes that and is recognizing you by promoting you.

I have talked about Lance in the blog before, but for those who are newer readers the background. Lance is one of the Member Advisers (the term for the membership sales folks). He was the first person I met at Life Time. From our first meeting he has been incredibly supportive and my greatest cheerleader. Any time I hit a milestone it was Lance who was the first to congratulate me and often he was not only proud enough to tell me but was also (without me knowing it) sharing my photos and story with others within the club. It was Lance who first mentioned the Twins nomination to me and it was Lance who was there celebrating with me that night.

While I have valued Lance all along on this journey, in this last month he has also been my safe spot at the club. More than once I have ended up in his office in tears over the trainer changes and before my first session with Nick he was who I went to for advice and as a sounding board. That night turned out as well as it did because my talk with Lance opened my mind to what a great possibility Nick could be.

While I am really proud of Lance and happy for him on this next step in his career. I have to admit I felt the wind knocked out of me again when I got his email that he was leaving. I feel like I am losing another piece of my support system at a time when I am barely managing losing the last piece (Gui).

The difference is this time I am truly afraid to tell him how much I am going to miss him and how much him leaving saddens me because of how bad that blew up in my face with Gui. So my first reaction was I was going to go in today, smile, pretend I think this is wonderful and all that, but truth that is not who I am. I can't be fake, I can't lie about how I feel, and truth I am not sure I even want to. If the roles were reversed I would want to know people were sad I was going, that is a great compliment! We only get upset over losing those we value. But after how much grief admitting I was upset Gui was going caused I truly don't know what to do. At this point I am sorta hoping he is busy, that we don't cross paths at all and I don't have to deal with it. I know that is a cop out, but am too confused what face I am supposed to put on to deal with it. At this point no goodbye will be easier than messing up another valued friendship with honesty.

I wouldn't be completely honest in this post if I didn't say this didn't (again) have me kicking myself for letting people into my life and becoming dependent on their support. It is one of the changes I have made in the last year, letting people like Lance matter to me, that I am still not sure is the best thing I have done for myself. Don't get me wrong, I know the benefits have been immense, I have gotten to know some great people who have truly enriched my world, but the downside is that it seems to be resulting in an awful lot of goodbyes also, and right now I am just not handling them well.

I am sure many of you reading this are thinking, wow she is way over reacting to some sales guy leaving. But this is a part of the realities of my life I think are hard for a lot of people to understand. I am single, I live alone, my interaction with my family is next to nil (I talk to my brother on Facebook but beyond that I have no interaction with my family). My support system is solely made up of my friends and acquaintances. And when it comes to my journey in the last year that has been primarily centered around key people at LTF. This is the second of those key people I am saying goodbye to in a matter of weeks and it does feel like that part of my support system is slipping away from me. I realize nothing is permanent (I can hear Gui's words repeating over and over in my head on that one) but I just feel like I am losing my safety nets before I am ready for them to be gone. Especially after the weight gain of the last month.

I am sure there are also those of you reading who find this post incredibly selfish. And truth, part of me feels that way even admitting my feelings about all this. Please do not mistake me, I am exceedingly happy for Lance (as I was for Gui). I wish them only the best and the greatest success and happiness the world has to offer them. I would never want them to have less than that to make my life better/easier. But despite that, my life will be changed and I wouldn't be honest if I didn't admit that change saddens me and makes me feel alone in all this.

Now it's time to get ready to head to the club, put on a smiley face and not end up in tears on Nick over this. The chances of that feel fleeting but its the goal!!!!

Good luck Lance, I know you will do a great job in your new position. And know you will never be forgotten for all you have done for me! Always remember sometimes having fun instead of trying to make the sale can be the start of changing someone's life!!! Thanks for doing that for me.